I decided to do this post after having many conversations with friends and family members about what was appropriate and inappropriate between your friend and your man.
I posed this question to them because I felt conflicted about feeling upset when my ex-boyfriend kept constantly offering his phone number to an ex-friend of mine. (Notice the ex’s) *eye roll*
So what’s appropriate and what’s inappropriate between your man and your bestie?
Sexual conversations? Showing sexy photos of themselves? Exchanging phone numbers? Contacting each other via social media?
Here’s what they had to say:
“They can’t f*ck or kiss without you, but if it’s your real friend then conversations and doing favors for each other should be fine. I’ll leave my homeboy around anybody and he can talk to them. If they are bouncing ideas off each other, maybe, but the pics are too much. That’s enticing rather than getting an opinion. Social media and numbers are fine, but like I said, this has to be your BEST friend. Outside of that person…all NO’s.”
“NOTHING. Lol. Jp. Nothing sexual or anything even friendly if I’m not around. And NO! Hell no-to all of the above!”
“Flirting, touchy-feely, outings without me, phone calls that don’t pertain to me…it’s all inappropriate. I prefer ya’ll to be like brother and sister or nothing at all.”
“Everything past Hello! Lol. Inappropriate [is] touching, calling, seeing, [and] f*cking. Appropriate would only be speaking and going on about your business.”
“Sex. Anything that [you] don’t know about.”
“Wearing sexy lingerie around my homeboy or shirts with no bras My homeboy talking about sex in front of my girl, and telling sexual secrets to your friend. Don’t do it! My ex-girl’s cousin tried to f*ck me when she saw me in the club one night. She said she knew exactly what to do to me, because she had been told what I liked.”
“I wish my man would give his phone number to one of my friends.”
“Borrowing money. Calling without my knowledge. All UP in his face! No slow dancing allowed, only fast dancing and DO NOT rub up against him. Flirting!”
Here’s what I think:
- The first time that you introduce your friend and your man, there shouldn’t be any exchange of emails or phone numbers. There’s just no reason that they would need it. Hell! He may not last long (if he’s a new boyfriend) honestly! If there’s some type of business information that they need or want, a true friend would communicate through you.
- Adding each other as friends on social media is actually pretty common and ok. Secretly messaging each other, making them your MCM/WCW, constantly leaving comments on their wall….is a big NO-NO! Any friend of yours or mate of yours that is doing that is not true to you.
- Sexual conversations about what they can do or have done should not happen. Showing sexy pictures of themselves bare chested or in bathing suits is also inappropriate.
- Making plans to go to events without you should not happen. (This one varies a little. If they’re discussing party plans for you or some type of surprise…I would think that it’s ok.-not constantly doing so…)
- Talking bad behind your back. Shouldn’t happen. From either of them. Your privacy between you and your friend and your privacy between you and your man/mate should be respected.
Back to my ex and his inappropriate behavior:
My biggest issue was I had little trust in my ex-friend and my ex-boyfriend to start with. My trust issues with him stemmed from him not completely leaving a situation before beginning something new with me, his flirtatious behavior, and a bunch of other stuff that I won’t share with ya’ll right now! Lol.
My trust issues with her stemmed from back-stabbing conversations that she participated in about me, her friendship history with another friend and that friend’s husband, and the secret animosity within her that she attempted to disguise as love and friendship.
So when his ass recited his phone number out loud a HUNDRED times indirectly, gave out his number DIRECTLY-and THEN asked for my friends to text/call him…I became pissed. Later, other things took place and I ended up severing ties with her and with him.
(No, they didn’t sleep together, but honestly I did think that secret conversations took place.They could have slept together by now though… )
Leave your comments! What do you think is appropriate and inappropriate between your friend and your man/mate?