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Advice

Dating At 30? Here Are 9 Tips To Help You Sis.

Advice, Relationship Tips

It’s “Word” time for all my ladies!

I’ve been slow with the dating tips, but I’m BACK loves!

(My relationship tips or suggestions stem from experiences had by friends of mine, family, books, and my own. So I’m never just pulling out of thin air-OK!) 

Hello, to all of the newcomers of 30! I like to call it The Year of Thirty. This is the time when a lot of women feel like they should be married already or at least engaged. You are wrong! If you walked into your thirties single I would like to commend you! Your 20s should  have been used to get you to understand what you like/dislike and what you want and don’t want from a partner.

Now it’s REPPIN’ Time! Lol.


9 TIPS FOR DATING IN YOUR 30s

 

#1: Set a standard in your mind and ABIDE by it. The biggest challenges we faced in our 20s during dating, was accepting whatever your partner brought to you and thinking that you can set the standard later. START with your standards and DO NOT WAVER.  

 

Do NOT become the woman with ridiculous standards either! (Remember Meagan Good in this “Jumping the Broom” scene? – Don’t let that be you!)

#2: Leave your PAST behind you.  At this age, you may realize that you used to spill your beans about how much heartache you went through to a new “candidate” way too quickly.  After a second date with someone you’re already revealing to him how trifling your last boyfriend was and how it hurt you and blah, blah, blah. HUSH girl! Lol. Keep it cute! Your past helped mold you into the beautiful person that you are today, but there is no need to relive those horrid moments. Let. It. Go.

 

#3: Don’t waste your time. Let’s say you’re on a date and after thirty minutes into it you realize that this guy is NOT right for you. Don’t waste your time. Be classy and finish the date, but block his number or his profile. Don’t feel obligated to continue talking to someone that you knew you didn’t have any interest in after Date One. Move on. This also goes for the women stuck in “situationships” and are trying to figure out ways to mold him to act how you want him to act. You can’t change a man. Get OUT. 

#4: Know Yourself. Love Yourself. Own Who You Are.  During the Year of Thirty you begin to realize that you are who you are and  you own it! This comfort allows you to be yourself when dating instead of frontin’ like you’re someone else. A lot of times women in their 20s listen to their boyfriends or to guys that they’re dating and will become a jumbled mess of what THAT man wants them to be. Just be you. Not who you think he wants to date. 

 

#5: Trust your instincts aka your “gut.” Got a bad feeling about this one? Gut turning in knots about something he just told you? Chances are your gut is right and he is wrong! No one wants to keep learning lessons the hard way so learn to go with your intuition! Don’t spend a lot of time trying to make a situation work that your GUT is telling you won’t work anyway.

#6: Don’t fall into the “Forever a Side chick” Role. This one is VERY IMPORTANT!!! Especially in 2017! I want women to understand that you do NOT have to accept a role as any man’s side chick. Now if you are genuinely not interested in a full time partner and you’re okay with sharing a man or you have convinced yourself that it is better to be cheated with and not cheated on–this isn’t for you. (but chances are, you’re false flagging and lying to yourself) This is for the ladies that fall into these roles because of low self-esteem,  desperation, or no standards. Stop playing the side chick role when you KNOW you want a man to yourself and who is ALL about you.  Who told you that it was WRONG to want that? Quit allowing desperation and loneliness to determine your actions. (Stick to those standards, boo.)

 

#7: LISTEN–LISTEN–LISTEN. The biggest secret that any man has is that he lets the woman do all the talking. She spills her guts about her wants, dislikes, likes, and everything else before she’s found out ANYTHING about him. Let that man earn your trust before you start sharing with him. LET HIS ASS DO ALL THE TALKING! (I learned this the hard way by dating a man in his 40s that had been married twice and claimed to be separated from his second wife. He would “listen” to me for hours because he wanted to know who I was and what I was about. A year into our story and I felt no closer to him. You know why? Although he had “moments” that he shared things with me, they were SMALL things. He knew how to make it seem like he was giving a lot without really giving anything. This guy is the ultimate player. He has dated PLENTY of women and learned exactly what to do. )  

 

#8: Get away from your TYPE!! I swear I have heard SO many of my single girl friends shout out, but what if he’s not my type? These are some times the SAME girl friends that haven’t been on a date since our teen years. Catch my drift! Chances are your “type” is wack! Period. You date the bad-boy with babymommas type or the the Ultra Alpha Male type. Switch it up! Clearly that type has gotten you nowhere fast. It is time to try new things-girl! 

 

#9: Realize that you will never find perfection. STOP IT! It’s not going to happen. No one is going to be absolutely perfect so I suggest you figure out what undesirable traits you’re able to stomach and carry on. 

 

I hope that these tips have helped you ladies out some! I wanted to keep going but I have to save a little something for my girl talk this weekend with my ladies!

6 Steps To Help You Learn To Love Yourself

Advice, Relationship Tips

How do you learn to love yourself? 

 

I wanted to make this post for all of the ladies dealing with difficult situations in life whether its’ your career, children, school, family, friends, or your relationships. There are times that we doubt our abilities and what we’re able to do. When a relationship fails, we doubt that we’re able to be loved, when we receive a bad grade, we doubt that we’re able to get through school at all. I just wanted to tell you to learn to love yourself. Once you truly do that, you will discover that you can do anything that you set your mind to.

Step 1: Accept your uniqueness. This includes your flaws and all. Accept all of your thoughts about yourself but do not believe them all. After a failed relationship you may think “nobody loves me.” These are simply ideas. Never believe them.

Step 2: Take responsibility for your feelings. Embrace your feelings. Don’t run from them. As women, we are conditioned to think that we are “always in our feelings.” Hell, you have to be! What I mean is, if you don’t understand and acknowledge your feelings-who will? Learn to stay focused and address your feelings. Stop running away from them, hiding them, using drugs/alcohol to numb them, or blaming someone else. Own up to how and what you feel inside. We are all human.

Step 3: Become more confident in your self-image. Doing this will resonate change on the inside of you as well. Eat better! Work out! Start small and work your way up! This includes your mental. Learn something new or take a vacation and relax.  Learn to feel good about yourself and your self-love will begin to flow.

Step 4: What am I doing or thinking about that is causing me to feel depressed, sad, hopeless, lost, incomplete, unloved, shamed, angry, envious, anxious, or guilty? Ask yourself this question! Sit quietly and let yourself answer honestly. Once you grasp an understanding of what you’re doing/thinking to cause these feelings within, you can start to explore more of your fears and false beliefs that led you to those thoughts or actions.  If you’re feeling lonely, helpless or heartbroken over someone else, address what has happened between the two of you that makes you feel this way.

 

Step 5: Stop comparing yourself to others. Your path is different from the next person’s. Your success and your failures will not be the same as anyone else’s. Find something that you excel in and take it from there.

Step 6: Note that loving yourself doesn’t mean that you put yourself before others, it is about the balance of your needs and your needs of others.

 

Cosmetic Lines for Women of Color

Advice, Black community, Fashion

Hey ya’ll! I wanted to make a quick post about a couple of Black owned cosmetic lines out here and/or lines specifically made for black women! I am a newbie when it comes to applying a full face of make-up and a lot of times I find myself looking for make-up lines specifically made for women of color. For whatever reason, most of the major labels (Rimmel, Covergirl, Maybelline,etc) claim to carry our shades but they’re hardly ever available in store when I go. (Like…never available. Lol) So I thought that I’d share a few alternatives made just for us! (and some by “us”!)

  1. Black Radiance: I’m really excited to share about BR because they JUST introduced a new eyeshadow color palette and it is GORG!!!! I use this line’s Match Me Foundation and it is my absolute fav! (This line is NOT black owned, but it IS specifically made for women of color.) I mostly shop for BR in Walgreens.

2. Iman Cosmetics: This line IS black owned (owned by the supermodel Iman) and the lipsticks are to die for! I usually purchase this line in Target, CVS, or Walgreens.

3. Black Opal: This company is NOT black owned but it is designed for women of color. If you watch YouTube makeup tutorial videos (like I do-LOL) then you may see a few girls pull out Black Opal’s True Color stick foundation. It’s easy to use and tends to leave an even toned complexion. You can find Black Opal in CVS drugstores.

4. Juvia’s Place: Black owned and we LOVE their eye shadow palettes! They are beautiful and look great on our skin! I had to purchase my palette through Amazon because I was unable to find them in store. (Of course you can purchase them online at Juvia’s Place website-THEY ARE CURRENTLY ON SALE FOR 25.00!!!)

These are just a FEW lines ya’ll and I have actually purchased them all! I will add more as my makeup pile grows! LOL!

BYE!

What’s Appropriate/Inappropriate Between Your Friend and Your Man

Advice, Relationship Tips

I decided to do this post after having many conversations with friends and family members about what was appropriate and inappropriate between your friend and your man.

I posed this question to them because I felt conflicted about feeling upset when my ex-boyfriend kept constantly offering his phone number to an ex-friend of mine. (Notice the ex’s) *eye roll*

So what’s appropriate and what’s inappropriate between your man and your bestie?

Sexual conversations? Showing sexy photos of themselves? Exchanging phone numbers? Contacting each other via social media?

Here’s what they had to say: 

“They can’t f*ck or kiss without you, but if it’s your real friend then conversations and doing favors for each other should be fine. I’ll leave my homeboy around anybody and he can talk to them. If they are bouncing ideas off each other, maybe, but the pics are too much. That’s enticing rather than getting an opinion. Social media and numbers are fine, but like I said, this has to be your BEST friend. Outside of that person…all NO’s.”

“NOTHING. Lol. Jp. Nothing sexual or anything even friendly if I’m not around. And NO! Hell no-to all of the above!”

“Flirting, touchy-feely, outings without me, phone calls that don’t pertain to me…it’s all inappropriate. I prefer ya’ll to be like brother and sister or nothing at all.”

“Everything past Hello! Lol. Inappropriate [is] touching, calling, seeing, [and] f*cking. Appropriate would only be speaking and going on about your business.”

 “Sex. Anything that [you] don’t know about.”

“Wearing sexy lingerie around my homeboy or shirts with no bras My homeboy talking about sex in front of my girl, and telling sexual secrets to your friend. Don’t do it! My ex-girl’s cousin tried to f*ck me when she saw me in the club one night. She said she knew exactly what to do to me, because she had been told what I liked.”

“I wish my man would give his phone number to one of my friends.”

“Borrowing money. Calling without my knowledge. All UP in his face!  No slow dancing allowed, only fast dancing and DO NOT rub up against him. Flirting!”


Here’s what I think:

  • The first time that you introduce your friend and your man, there shouldn’t be any exchange of emails or phone numbers. There’s just no reason that they would need it. Hell! He may not last long (if he’s a new boyfriend) honestly! If there’s some type of business information that they need or want, a true friend would communicate through you.

 

  • Adding each other as friends on social media is actually pretty common and ok. Secretly messaging each other, making them your MCM/WCW, constantly leaving comments on their wall….is a big NO-NO! Any friend of yours or mate of yours that is doing that is not true to you.

 

  • Sexual conversations about what they can do or have done should not happen. Showing sexy pictures of themselves bare chested or in bathing suits is also inappropriate.

 

  • Making plans to go to events without you should not happen. (This one varies a little. If they’re discussing party plans for you or some type of surprise…I would think that it’s ok.-not constantly doing so…)

 

  • Talking bad behind your back. Shouldn’t happen. From either of them. Your privacy between you and your friend and your privacy between you and your man/mate should be respected.

Back to my ex and his inappropriate behavior: 

My biggest issue was I had little trust in my ex-friend and my ex-boyfriend to start with. My trust issues with him stemmed from him not completely leaving a situation before beginning something new with me, his flirtatious behavior, and a bunch of other stuff that I won’t share with ya’ll right now! Lol.

My trust issues with her stemmed from back-stabbing conversations that she participated in about me, her friendship history with another friend and that friend’s husband, and the secret animosity within her that she attempted to disguise as love and friendship.

FEEL ME?

So when his ass recited his phone number out loud a HUNDRED times indirectly, gave out his number DIRECTLY-and THEN asked for my friends to text/call him…I became pissed. Later, other things took place and I ended up severing ties with her and with him.

(No, they didn’t sleep together, but honestly I did think that secret conversations took place.They could have slept together by now though… )

Leave your comments! What do you think is appropriate and inappropriate between your friend and your man/mate?

I Started Recording Youtube Videos (UGH!)

Advice, Celebrity News, Relationship Tips, Social Media Sensations

Ok! Soooo I’ve been debating if I should share my YouTube videos with you guys or not. I decided that I definitely should. It was only up for debate because I felt so nervous and self-conscious trying to record the first video. (It took 5 or 6 takes!)

But I have now gotten used to the video aspect (after creating TWO whole VIDEOS-lol) and it’s something that I’m going to do regularly. I will have discussions on relationships, finances, tv/movie reviews, and trending topics. The trending topic segment has been named the “Hello” Segment. I thought that the videos would be a good visual for those that actually read my blog and/or follow AMR on social media.

Check out my videos below! Tell me what you think in our comment section! (Be nice please…my friends and family have already given it to me raw and uncut! LOL)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Are You Too Selfish In Your Relationship?

Advice, Relationship Tips

SELFISH: lacking consideration for others; concerned chiefly with one’s own personal profit or pleasure. 

Are you constantly hearing from your spouse/significant other that you’re selfish and self-centered? Have you heard that you’re selfish/self-centered while in your past relationships? Do you have friends or family members that remind you every so often that “you need to stop being so selfish?”

You probably think that it’s everyone else,except  you huh?

 Well, that’s not the case. Chances are, if your friends, family, and spouse are saying the same thing… you should start listening. It’s natural to become defensive when someone attempts to “tell you about yourself” but instead of responding in a negative way, try to take some time to think about why so many have the same thoughts about your behavior.

Let’s just discuss a few things from a relationship aspect.

  • Are you attempting to control your relationship with rules and high expectations?If you’re expecting your partner to perform backflips and jump through hurdles for you then it is highly likely that you’re acting selfishly. Asking your partner for help is normal and healthy in a relationship. It becomes unhealthy when the help is demanded and not reciprocated. It is also unhealthy when you are not sensitive to circumstances that your partner faces that may prevent them from being able to assist you completely.

 

  • Does your partner open up to you, but you hold things in and are vague in conversation? – Your partner gushes to you everyday about things that are affecting their world. They open up and share their innermost feelings about you, their career, etc. You, on the other hand, stay secretive and if you decide to share anything you make sure to be non-specific. Communication is important in relationships. This does not mean that you have to share EVERY single thing with your partner, but you should definitely become more open. It should be just as easy to share with your partner as it is to share and communicate with your friends. Having a partner that doesn’t communicate well and refuses to open up, can create numerous problems in your relationship. Your partner may begin to feel as if they’re unable to trust you and after a while they could start to question the entire relationship.

  • Are you under the assumption that the impact of your actions don’t matter? – Hurting others and letting them down make no difference to you. Yea, you may feel a twinge of something but overall you believe that if they would have listened to you then you wouldn’t have had to do xyz….This is absurd! Your actions matter! It matters if your partner hurts as a direct result of something you said/did. Hold yourself accountable for the role that you play in the lives of others. You made the decision to be in this marriage/relationship. My best suggestion for anyone not wanting to be held accountable in their union is to LEAVE.

 

  • Is everything your way or NO WAY?-  This kind of goes along with the rules question, but I wanted to extend this a little further. You have to be open to compromise. It is easy for so many of us to want things to go exactly how we plan it in life, but there is absolutely no way that you will ever be able to control your partner. There are ways to establish trust, respect, and consideration and these are essential for growth in the relationship, but to control your partner is to not love them the way they deserve.

 

  • Do you struggle with seeing how you are selfish? – It’s never easy to recognize that you’re being selfish. Also understand that selfish is a matter of perspective. I decided to write this article because I wanted to help anyone (including my self at times) that may struggle with selfishness in their relationships. It is always best to allot yourself some quiet time to think about how you interact with others and to ponder over any “criticism” that they may have given you. Don’t become offended and standoffish, instead self-reflect and figure out how you can alter things a bit. (apologies work well too)

How To Start Your Own Makeup Line

Advice, Fashion

Happy 2017 ya’ll!!!

I am looking to rebrand AMR and this is the first step in that direction! I was speaking to a close friend of mine yesterday and she shared with me that she was interested in starting her own makeup line. I thought that it was a great idea and I wanted to provide her and anyone else with this dream, a few tips to get started. Add your thoughts, comments, and personal stories if you have any to contribute to this post!!

Tip one: Decide what type of makeup you would like to create. Are you interested in an entire line (foundation, concealer, primer, eyeshadow, mascara, lip liner, lipstick, lipgloss, etc.) or would you like to focus on one area? (Eyeshadows or lipsticks for example)

Tip two: Create a catchy name for your line. Something that sounds really cute and make-upy. (You’ll think of something.) And think of packaging.

(Also please make sure that you have an understanding of skin tones and of makeup trends-we will call this Tip two and a half! Ok!)

Tip three: Find a lab to help create what you’re looking for and research the ingredients that they use.

Tip four: Find your niche. Are you more passionate about having affordable products with great quality or are you interested in helping sell to a market that is often neglected (color lipsticks for brown girls…)

Tip five: Give a tutorial on your products. Start a YouTube account or create a Facebook page (any type of social media) and give entertaining tutorials on your products.

Tip six: Research marketing strategies. THIS IS EXTREMELY IMPORTANT FOR ANY BUSINESS!!!

Tip seven: Protect your business with a trademark (Your logo and business name) 

Self-Esteem & Fame (The Lil Kim Edition)

Advice, Black community, Celebrity News

Chile, I seen a video on my Facebook feed yesterday with Lil’ Kim dancing and she looks sooooo…….scary. I loved Lil Kim when I was younger and I still enjoy her music now AND was on her side against Nicki Minaj (rap beef), but what has she really DONE to herself?

Image result for lil kim before and after

I can remember her being interviewed years ago (in a NewsWeek article 2000) and saying things like guys didn’t think that she was pretty, and I’ve been wondering is that the real reason for the skin bleaching and all of the plastic surgery?

“All my life men have told me I wasn’t pretty enough–even the men I was dating. And I’d be like, ‘Well, why are you with me, then?’ ” She winces. “It’s always been men putting me down just like my dad. To this day when someone says I’m cute, I can’t see it. I don’t see it no matter what anybody says.”

Is she still grieving over the loss of Biggie and the staleness of her career? I just want to know WHAT IS IT? I hurt for her. She clearly doesn’t love herself and it’s getting harder to see her in public because it seems as if she’s trying to commit suicide by way of plastic surgery.

What does fame and/or being a “celebrity” do to your self-esteem?

 Image result for charlamagne skin bleach

In Kim’s defense, not too many of us would be able to stand in the public’s eye day after day and accept their criticism without it affecting us in some way. Take Cardi B (Love & Hip Hop:NY) for instance, she clearly loves herself and enjoys being herself, but when the public started criticizing her for her crooked teeth she eventually ran out and got them fixed.

Image result for cardi b new teeth before and after

With this in mind, I look at Lil Kim, K. Michelle, Charlamagne, Lark Voorhies, and so many others that bleach their skin and I empathize with them. Being told everyday that you’re not pretty enough or not light enough will totally eat away at your self-esteem. Colorism is also a factor here and so is racism. These folks are constantly told that they’re too dark, hair is too nappy, and just not the best “fit” for the part.

What would you do if your appeareance helped you bring in revenue and you’re constantly told that you’re not cute enough or too dark? Would you be able to stick to who you are after constantly being berated? Or would you call the best plastic surgeon in town and grab a new nose and some skin bleach?

Maybe you wouldn’t, but guess what…?

Black people and people of color in general are constantly being rejected for being themselves in Hollywood. (everywhere period.) They start off loving who they are in their natural state, but sometimes they fall victim to the industry and sacrifice their essence to please people that wish for their lips, hair, and skin tone.

People tell you to love yourself and to ignore what others say, but it does matter sometimes. When you’re constantly getting passed over for work. It matters when comments start to eat away at your soul and invades your innermost thoughts.

What happened to Lil Kim has happened to me, you, my cousin, etc. I’ve been told that I’m pretty for a “dark-skinned” girl. (an underhanded compliment)

I’ve been told that my natural hair is nappy and should be relaxed and that I would look so cute light-skinned. The only difference is I don’t hear it every single day by thousands of people.

Life happened to Lil’Kim.

He’s Not Your Boyfriend If He’s Her Husband

Advice, Relationship Tips

 

 

If he’s married and you think that ya’ll are dating-think again. He’s not your boyfriend if he’s her husband. Now there are exceptions to this, for example, if he’s legally separated or if he has a deceased wife. Those are the only exceptions. For those who need help with how to deal with this type of “situationship”, here are some reasons that he’s not your boyfriend.

 

  • Reason 1: You’re lying to yourself and he’s lying to you too.    Yea, I know he tells you that he loves you and he’s leaving and he’s giving you hope of a future together. These are lies honey. He is not 100 percent available to you and you can convince yourself that it will all work out, but it rarely ever will.

 

 

 

  • Reason 2: There will be difficulty trusting him.  Of course you will struggle with trusting him! He has committed to someone before GOD and maybe even before family and friends, but he still stepped out on that commitment and started sleeping with you. How can someone like that be trusted? People that can lie easily will continue to lie and he will more than likely end up hurting you too.

Image result for black cheating couple

  • Reason 3: Your interaction will be a secret. Now we know men honey, so of course their friends will know about you. I’m talking about your relationship status in general. He calls you his girl and he says he’s your man, but does his family know? If you’re not going out as a couple or if he asks you not to tell anyone about him, chances are he’s full of crap!

Image result for black cheating couple

  • Reason 4: You will both lose respect for each other. Chances are he won’t fully respect you for being someone that entered a relationship given the circumstances and noticing the lies that he tells her to get away to be with you will cause you to lose respect for him too. Having self-respect and being a woman of quality will allow you to realize that you deserve much better and shouldn’t enter into such a damaged relationship. Love yourself more.

Image result for arguing black couple

  • Reason 5: Don’t waste your youth. I love to say “utilize your best years.” This just means don’t waste your time. Why spend the best years of your life waiting on a guy to make up his mind? I know, I know, he tells you to be patient and that he’s going to divorce her any day now. He tells you that if you just hold out a little while longer it will benefit you. He tells you blah, blah, blah. Listen, he’s going to say whatever he thinks he should say to keep you on ice. He notices your youth! He knows you’re great, but he’s greedy and a coward! If he’s really having problems in his marriage he would do something about it! He moved out? Great! Get a divorce! They have children? Great! Get a divorce. He will tell you that he’s holding on for the kids, that it’s not that simple, etc, etc. Use your head ladies. He. Is. A. Liar. This is a dead end love affair.

Image result for black cheating couple

 

 

Can He Get It Together?

Advice, Relationship Tips

I don’t really wanna stay,
I don’t really wanna go,
But I really need to know,
Can we get it together,
Get it together. -702

This song crossed my mind today after talking to one of my girls and going over financial issues in relationships. We were mostly discussing the difficulty in maintaining a household alone when your partner is out of work and starts growing distant and becomes a little unmotivated.  (Some may actually become depressed-depression should be treated and not criticized or belittled. This article does not apply to those suffering from depression.)

I kept asking “can they just get it TOGETHER out here?” So, I decided that was the name of today’s post.

Let me start by saying, IT’S OK TO NOT HAVE ALL OF YOUR SH*T TOGETHER!!!

Guys, there aren’t too many women that expect perfection. Being a work in progress is ok, but you have to communicate with your partner about things that you are working on or are trying to get accomplished.

There is NOTHING worse than having your man lose his job and when you come home from work, he’s on the couch in the same spot you left him in that morning. We all understand that SH*T happens, but you have to take ACTION to get things back in order.

blkmanoncouch

” I just need some time baby. That’s all.” 

Yes, things do take time but you can help yourself by setting goals and doing your best to achieve those goals. I think that there are so many people SAYING instead of DOING these days. It is easy to SAY I’m going to make money, but where’s the money going to come from if you’re not DOING anything to get it?

Take action. Put in work. Communicate with your partner. Ask for help if you need it. Set Goals. Crush those goals. Stay focused and positive. Things will work out!

Focus on Communication

Believe me, your woman is not going to leave you just because you’re going through a rough patch. (Not if she loves you and her love is genuine.) But, she MAY leave your behind if she constantly feels like no progress is being made because you’re not communicating with her, you’re unfocused, and you have started giving up on yourself.

getittogether4

Getting over hurdles in relationships is something that is done together. As a team. You have to trust that your partner has your back. If you don’t think that they do and you’re hell bent on proving yourself then you should probably rethink being in a relationship. You’re not ready for one.